It seems as if once you reach one of life's milestones people are immediately asking when you plan to attain the next life goal. You get married, and before you've taken off for your honeymoon people are asking when you're going to start having children. You have one child, and before you've so much as left the hospital with your newborn, people ask when you plan to have a second. That question is where I'm kind of stuck…
If it were completely up to Scott we would have two under two right this minute. For those of you who are in the 2 Under 2 Club, I don't know how you do it. I admire you.
I would love another child. Maybe even two more (did I just lose my mind?!). But, I'm dragging my feet.
One of the reasons I've been resisting baby number two is pure selfishness. Being pregnant with Marcus wasn't ever fun. I wasn't one of those moms-to-be who just loved being pregnant. I didn't. Not at all, actually. I was big and uncomfortable most of the time. Not to mention the amount of weight that I packed on was staggering. I won't jump into numbers, but it took me a solid 14 months to lose every last pound. And, that was no easy task either. I had to fight for every single pound shed.
However, the second (and main) reason for waiting to add another child is because I'm afraid…
Currently the stage Marcus is in is so.much.fun. That's not to say we don't have some unimaginably trying days. We do. But, watching him grow into the little boy he's become is something I don't want to miss. I'm afraid if I blink for a split second too long I'll miss out on something he's done, or learned, or said.
Will my heart be big enough for two (or more) kids? It's already so full.
You don't. Period. Even though we tried for quite some time to get preggo again, I'm still terrified of all those things you mentioned. But then again, I know the moment she's here, we will all adjust and it will be so awesome to watch another kid go through all those milestones!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are such a great family! I know you will be a wonderful mommy of two when you decide the time is right… whether it is two under three or two under five! :)
ReplyDeleteLucky for me I wasn't really given a chance to have these fears.... Otherwise, Molly might be an only child. But I will tell you this. When the second baby is born, your heart immediately grows two times bigger. I can't imagine life without my two under two babies!!! Plus, since they will only be a year behind each other in school, that means they will be out of the house a year apart too. Woo hoo!!
ReplyDeleteSo I obviously have no experience with having children but I think this saying applies to anything really. If you wait for the perfect moment to do anything, you'll never do it. I guess you never really know, it just happens? However, the answer to your "will my heart be big enough/' the answer is YES. Before my niece was born I thought how am I going to love anyone as much as I love my nephew. Then they are born and you love them just as much.
ReplyDeleteMy brother and I are five years apart and Rob and his bro are seven years apart and we were all happy as clams about it. So, you have plenty of time to think about it, I think! :)) Marcus will be a terrific big brother and you will both be great parents whenever you decide to venture down that road!
ReplyDelete(I know my mom liked having us that far apart because my brother was big enough to truly enjoy all that having a new sibling brought.....plus he was old enough to help out with simple things......plus....she still had a child in the house for many years.....I admit that is one thing I do fear somewhat in the future......being an empty nester!!)
I hear ya on this one. Everyone is constantly asking when we are having another baby too! I gained a lot of weight with Olivia and it was depressing on losing the weight for me as well. We were to tough on ourselves I think! I know you would do great with two or three little ones and Marcus would be a great big brother!!
ReplyDeleteThis pregnancy has been harder than I imagined, because I have a 1 1/2 year old running around. BUT, that has helped me keep from packing on the pounds (30 weeks and only 7 pounds gained...?), kept me limber and quite frankly, I sleep better because I'm so exhausted. This is also why we married fantastic men - Eric helps when he needs to help and knows when he needs to help. He understands and is very giving. I'm pretty lucky. Plus, Eric and James are "besties" so they hang out all the time when Eric is home as well. As for the love, I once said the exact same thing to my mom and she said, "You just do." I'll take it and trust her. I can't wait for Baby Engels #2. :)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with what Sarah said. I'm scared of the same things you mentioned, but I know it will all work itself out.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how parallel our lives are sometimes. Ryan and I just had this discussion last weekend. I feel like I owe it to Emma to give her a sibling. I don't feel like we're done building our family yet, but I don't feel like I need to have another one right now. Ryan definitely wants another and I feel like it's kind of depending on me to decide when now. I'm not just afraid, I'm petrified and dealing with the same fears that you're experiencing.
ReplyDeleteone day I just "knew". I put off a second baby for well over two years but one day I just "knew" I was ready to open my heart to a new little love. and I kid you not, just the week before that moment struck, I was saying "not now and not soon" to anyone who even tried bringing up a second child.
ReplyDeleteI still worry about how life is going to go once she is here and how Marissa will adjust but I know it is going to be a learning process for all of us. and you would be surprised how much your heart grows and fills when it does happen. it is amazing. not to mention, you are giving Marcus someone to love like he has never known either.
I agree with Sarah. Well not totally. I know (I think) that we're done. But do I totally know? I don't know. I love the age Callie is at. I have moments where I second guess myself because I feel selfish or think that she's missing out not having a sibling. Do you ever totally know? I don't think so. Somehow you find a way to be confident in whatever you decide to do a take that leap of faith. :) It's also ok to be afraid of it! Hugs my friend! You will know when it's time and there's nothing wrong with a big age gap either!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts might be a little skewed because we might be in the done category already. But, the option is still there and even if it terrifies me I know that if it were to happen that I would make it work because you just do as a parent. I feel it is the same thing that gets you out of a warm bed at night from a sound sleep to take care of a baby, and then when you take care of your child during the day when you are running on empty, or how you survive a really rough day. You make it through, you try your best, we all make mistakes, but you keep going.
ReplyDeleteEvery pregnancy is different. I loved every minute of being pregnant with Mac, but this time around has been no walk in the park. Maybe you'll love it the next time? And as for having the capacity to love another, that's actual one thing I'm not at all worried about. As stupid as this sounds, I worried about that when we got a second dog (not that I'm comparing children with dogs, but I guess I am) and now looking back, that was such a silly thing to worry about. Of course you'll love #2 just as much, in a totally new and unexpected way. We have no idea the amazing capacity we have to love until it happens. I already love this baby in my belly more than I ever thought I could and I haven't even met her. It blows my mind how easy it is and how quickly it happened. As for being busy and having time, now that scares the shit out of me. :) If I ever figure it out (and I guess we eventually will), I'll let you know!
ReplyDeleteI lived with the same fear that I wouldn't love my second as much as I did my first. Boy, was I ever wrong. It's so funny because the loves are so different, or at least the relationships are, but the love is still very equal. You have plenty of love to give, you just don't know it yet.
ReplyDeleteMy kids are 2 years and 2months apart and I love it. My sister and I are 6 years apart and we didn't grow up friends b/c we were so different, yet her and our brother (who is 3 years younger than she is) were bffs. While my kids don't like each other sometimes, I love the relationship they have.
awe this post is so sweet. You'll know when you're ready..
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how you do find the time and the love to share with all of your kids. I cried and cried and just held Aiden when we found out we were pregnant w/ Brennan. I was so worried for him, but obviously it all turned out great. Don't sweat it, so many women have more than 1 child and make it work. Promise!
ReplyDeleteI've always been told that if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you'll never have one.
ReplyDeletebut i feel you 100% momma love. i so desperately want to be pregnant again, but just like you - its thinking of missing out on these happy days with C and watching him grow that breaks my heart. I'm the only child so i can't even ask anyone in my family how they did it!
whatever happens, you will figure it out and make do! your heart will grow 52 sizes watching marcus love and care for and help with a growing family and a sibling.
and don't you worry. 7 months pp i still have 40lbs to lose. YIKES.
I echo a lot of the things previous commenters have said. Your fears are understandable and legit, but don't let that be what holds you back. And keep in mind, you won't be taking anything away from M, even if you don't have as much 1:1 time with him as you used to. You'll be giving him the gift of a sibling and my heart explodes on the regular just watching my 3 love each other.
ReplyDeleteI've only ever wanted one, and I've never wavered in that since we had Avery. I think Erik goes back and forth between wanting another one, but I know our family is complete as it it. I think the fact that you know that your family isn't complete is such a wonderful thing...you know that you have another baby in your future...the details will work themselves out when you're ready. And you will have so much love to give to both of your children. You'll know when the time is right!
ReplyDeleteUm, obvioulsy I'm not the right person to ask because I WASN'T ready, but God had other plans. I really don't know if you would ever feel completely ready, but you just have to trust that your heart will grow to love one or two or four more kids :) because that's what we do as moms. It's unexplainable (or so I've heard) and I can't wait to experience it, although I, too, am afraid! Whenever you do decide you're ready, it will be the right time!
ReplyDeleteGosh girl ... I so, so relate to this post!!! Wish I had advice but I'm right with ya, it's so hard to think about .... But very exciting at the same time!! :)
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It is very scary to add the second child. I was terrified. I had all the same fears and questions as you. I have found that you just find a way to juggle it all. I have broken down in tear wondering if I will be able to handle two (on my bad days), but there are the days where the girls play together and I know that it was worth it. There is no great time to have another child because your first will always be in a new phase that you haven't experienced. You will know when it is time to add another. And yes, there is room in your heart to feel the same amount of love again.
ReplyDeleteI distinctly remember the day Jemale and I proudly sat and watched Mia, wondering aloud and discussing if we could ever possibly love another child as much. Then my sweet Gabriel came into the world and it was clear that, yes, I could and did love another child as much! They are very different little people. There are days I probably prefer ones age/stage over the other but they are both amazing. Mia is 3 and Gabriel is 1 1/2 and they will play together long enough for me to get the breakfast dishes clean so it gives me a break. It's beautiful to watch them together. :)
ReplyDeleteI promise you God makes mommies hearts grow big enough to love each and every baby we have....that's not to say there aren't times when you will want to duct tape them to a chair...not that I ever did that...really!! Of course I have no say in the matter...besides you should probably not listen to a crazy woman who has four children all within a 6 year time frame...but I would LOVE for you to have another baby...or 3! I know it stinks when we work so hard to get our bodies in shape only to let them get all fat and bloated...in a good way of course (who am I kidding I was right there with you and am not one of those women who adored being pregnant) but you will get it back and it's great when they get older and tell you that they don't have to listen to you. You simply yell back "The hell you say...you destroyed my body the least you can do is listen to me." Besides...someday when they are all older we will sit around a big table at Thanksgiving, with their families with them, and I will have many blessings to be thankful for.
ReplyDeleteLaura @ Mice in the Kitchen
You never really know! I have three children and you just adjust your life to adding another. Trust me, your heart has plenty to go around!
ReplyDeleteI think about this on a daily basis! Josh wants to have another, like now.....I have always wanted my kids to be 2-3 years apart. But a big reason why I don't want to do it again so soon, is selfish as well. I don't enjoy being pregnant, I don't enjoy the baby stage, and we are finally getting to a point in our lives that it doesn't 100% revolve around Bennett's schedule and I am loving it! But also, I know that I only want two kids, so part of me will be really sad when we have that second child. I will know that this will be it for us, and once our second is done with it's clothes, toys, etc, I will put them away forever:(
ReplyDeleteNevermind the fact that I'm single, but I've been saying I only want one child since Clay came out. I KNOW I might change my mind if/when I get married, but right now I can't see that happening. I didn't enjoy being pregnant or the labor/aftermath, and above all I can't imagine sharing my heart with another child. Another fear I have is Clay feeling like I've started a "new" family if I have another child, but that's a whole other can of worms.
ReplyDeleteWay behind here...but--soak up all you can with the little man. Juggling two is already hard...but I'm not great at juggling anything well. Trust yourself...you're smart and kind and loving--so when/if #2 comes around, you'll be ready :)
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