Baring It All

The other day I saw -->this article<-- pop up on my Facebook feed. Usually I just skim the feed, but something drew me to the article. And, as I read the article it stopped me in my tracks.

Moms (or anyone with plans to someday become a mom), if you haven't read Allison Tate's article (click provided link above), you really must. Reading her words, it was as if my own thoughts and feeling were staring right at me.

     I'm everywhere in their young lives, and yet I have very few pictures of me with them. Someday I won't be here -- and I don't know if that someday is tomorrow or thirty or forty or fifty years from now -- but I want them to have pictures of me. I want them to see the way I looked at them, see how much I loved them. I am not perfect to look at and I am not perfect to love, but I am perfectly their mother. ~Allison Tate

As a new mom I'm still struggling with my post-baby body. I'd like to think, before my little monkey, I was in pretty good shape. Before the little man I thought of myself as an avid runner, participating in half-marathons, and other road races. Now, when I look in the mirror (which I find I try to avoid more than seek out), I'm not overly thrilled with what I see.

My arms kind of jiggle. I take extreme measures to ensure my legs are covered, at least to the knee. And, my stomach... Though I made it through my entire pregnancy, and birth of a 9+ pound baby, stretch mark free, there's a scar 5 1/2 inches across my abdomen. My body isn't the same... But, I am no longer the same...

Shortly after delivering my little boy I didn't want to look at the incision that traveled almost the entire width of my lower abdomen. It was pink, and puffy, and anything but beautiful. However, now I look at that healing scar and it's my reminder of the perfect, beautiful, healthy baby that has brought more joy to my life than I could have ever dreamed.

Would I like to have my pre-baby body back? Of course. Am I working out and making smart food choices? Yes (and for all those goodies you see me posting, I'm very generous in sharing those with others). But, these days I'm trying to be more health conscious. This little boy of mine will look up to me, and hopefully follow my lead in a healthy lifestyle. And, I want to be here as long as possible, to spend as much time with my baby as God has planned.

After searching all the photos of Marcus since his arrival (and there are probably thousands of pictures) I found about 20 of the little man and me. Twenty. That makes me sad, I need to be present in more pictures with him.

So, starting now, I'm going to do my best to be on the other side of the camera when snapping photos with my little man. There will come a day when I'm no longer here, and I want Marcus to look back on all the pictures we have together and love every single memory we made. He won't remember his mommy because she had perfectly coiffed hair, skinny legs and six-pack abs (though I wouldn't mind those things). He's going to remember how much his mommy loved him.

I may never fit into those size 2 jeans, but I can sleep well at night knowing I will fit perfectly into my little man's heart, no matter my shape or size. I am his mommy, and no pair of skinny jeans will ever feel as good as that.