4.04.2013

Forgiving

I juggled with whether or not to post this. It was a tough one to write. Tough because it isn't shiny and pretty. Often it seems we focus on how perfect things are and we leave out some of the real stuff. I went on a bit of a tangent not that long ago. You can read about it {here}.

Here's today's big dose of real...

Two nights ago Scott and I had a rather intense, and stupid, fight argument. Who was going to bring the dog bed to our room at the end of the night. What, that's not worthy of a good fight?!

Being the stubborn, hard-headed Dudding I am, I made a big stink about it. I'm talking full-fledged fuss. Looking back, I'm not really sure why I carried on in such a way. I just didn't want to carry that dog bed to our room. So dumb, right?

As we both laid in bed I knew I had to apologize. However, a simple "I'm sorry," wasn't going to cut it.  I'd unnecessarily crossed a line and "sorry" wasn't going to do.

Let's quickly rewind to a few years back during our marriage prep class:
During the class our instructors were going over forgiveness, and how easy it is to say "I'm sorry."
How many times growing up did your parents make you tell a sibling you were sorry? Mine did a thousand and two times (at least). More often than not an empty "Sorry," was mumbled. In reality, I wasn't sorry, I was just going through the motions. Saying what needed to be said. How many times were you asked "Do you even know why you're sorry?" and had no answer? 
What good is an empty "sorry"?

During the prep class our instructors (a married couple) told us how they would ask each other for forgiveness when conversations became heated, or actions didn't necessarily seem too thoughtful or loving.

Scott and I have implemented this in our own marriage. And, it's tough. You really have to own up to your mistake(s). Asking someone to forgive you for your faults and shortcomings takes a lot. Admitting your wrongdoings is downright hard.

I was about to fall asleep, but I had to do it, I had to ask him to forgive me for going so far out of line. Swallowing my stubbornness pride, I quietly asked him to forgive me for getting so upset for no apparent reason. And, he did.

Sometimes it's possible to forgive right away, other times we need some time to reflect, and forgive when we are ready. Asking for forgiveness takes a lot, but receiving forgiveness beats out an empty "sorry" any day of the week.

The next time "I'm sorry" seems too easy challenge yourself to ask for forgiveness instead.
Yep, this seems appropriate for this post.


In shinier, prettier news... There is still time to enter the custom infant/toddler/children's jacket.

16 comments:

  1. This is beautifully written and very good advice. Something I'm definitely going to take to heart in the coming years.

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  2. You are so right! I am not always the best at saying I am sorry in a "discussion" with Tim. There are times I just wear him down until he gives in. We are both determined people! :) Yet, I find it does me a world of good when I do tell him I am sorry when I know I am wrong...and you are so right...there has to be something behind those words. I always tell my kids that sorry means you are going to try not to do it again...that it's not a free pass until the next time.

    On happy news...seriously how cute!!

    Laura@MiceInTheKitchen

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  3. Great post and good advice. Something I'm sure we could all work on. :-)

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  4. Beautiful and honest.... Sorry is such an easy thing to say but to really ask for forgiveness - that's something completely different. That is way bigger.
    I hope you don't mind but I am going definitely use this in my own life and relationships moving forward. :)

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  5. This is true. Thanks for te reminder!

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  6. Definitely true Des. Isn't it funny how it's over the most stupid things in the world too?

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  7. This is such a good post! Sometimes sorry isn't enough and you have to let the other person know that you actually are sorry by using other words...def using this next time

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  8. Uh! "I'm sorry" is a phrase I hate! I feel like most the time people say it they aren't really sorry, it's just to move past the situation. I like the idea of asking for forgiveness!

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  9. I suck at admitting I'm wrong and asking forgiveness but I feel like I've gotten much better at it over the years. Luckily I have an amazing husband who puts up with my stubborness and finds it easy to come to me first and apologize and talk about things when we've had a spat. Thanks for the reminder and the willingness to open up about your life.

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  10. Never thought about it this way. But very true once you think about it.

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  11. Great post and you are so right, not always easy to remember to do but I'm definitely going to try and think about it this way for now on. Thanks for sharing.

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  12. Such an awesome post! I've been there, completely. It really is difficult asking for forgiveness. Especially when you realize that the reason you were so upset was for no good reason. I hate realizing that!

    The best part about good marriages is that you can make mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and love each other the next day. Of course I'm trying not to be all crazy too often. Who knows how many times Sean wants to forgive me for freaking out over the dishes in the sink.

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  13. i love the honesty of this post! thank you for sharing! sometimes it is hard to apologize but what a good thing to have good communication and say sorry and get through fights. so many couples let things build up and don't ever work it out!

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  14. What a wonderful honest post! I have such a hard time saying I'm sorry too. It's like it just kills my pride. I know that I'm wrong and yet it's just so hard. My husband is wonderful and always forgives me right away, but it's just hard admitting that I'm wrong. And I'm wrong all the time, you'd think I'd be used to it by now! :)

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  15. It seems the worst fights are over the dumbest things. I am VERY stubborn and hot headed. I think I ask myself 110 times a day is something is worth my time/argument.

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