8.05.2015

Why I Won't Wait the Full 40

This pregnancy is rapidly wrapping up, and right now I'm kind of all over the place, at least emotionally. Physically, not so much.

Each pregnancy is so personal, so different, so unique. From when and how an expectant mother announces her pregnancy, all the way to delivery day, it's all such an individual process. As with any pregnancy, every expectant mother has her ideals and beliefs of what is right and best.

With Marcus I had no choice as to how he would be delivered. Little Man was breech for most of my pregnancy. Though I tried every. single. thing. under the sun to get him to flip (chiropractic treatments and a failed cephalic external version), he was stubborn in his ways (just as he is today), and therefore I wasn't given the option to deliver any other way than c-section.

For weeks leading up to Marcus birth I was mentally prepared for his delivery.

At 39 weeks, on the dot, Marcus was born weighing 9 pounds 3 ounces, 21 inches long, healthy and perfect in every way.

I shudder to think just how big Marcus would have been had I waited to have the c-section at 40 weeks, or later...

As soon as I discovered we were pregnant with M² I made it very clear that I desperately wanted to try everything within my ability to have a VBAC. Throughout this pregnancy I've wished, hoped, and prayed that M² would be more cooperative than her big brother and maintain the proper head down position to actually attempt a VBAC. Thus far, M² has obliged, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

However...
If M² doesn't come on her own by this Friday I've scheduled her for a c-section delivery. I will only be 39 weeks along. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from others how I need to wait the full 40, that I should wait until M² is ready, that she will come on her own terms. Both my doctor and I are concerned that should we wait the full 40 weeks (or longer) M² will be too big (neither of us anticipate M2 being a tiny baby) for a successful and safe VBAC.

While I know the odds of another c-section are pretty high at this point, I'm still not quite as emotionally prepared as I was with Marcus. For the past three months I've expected to skip a c-section delivery.

If a c-section is necessary I'd be lying if I said a piece of me isn't disappointed. We've gotten this far in the pregnancy with all the expectations that M² will be delivered the way I've been hoping and praying. If I have to go through with another c-section I can't help but already feel defeated, deflated, and that I've somehow failed.

I had my heart set on a VBAC, and my head isn't quite ready to accept that likely won't be happening.

I've been continually reminding myself that this is not about what others think. This is not about me. This is about bringing M² into this world healthy and safe.
And, I'll be doing that at 39 weeks, and not a day over.

14 comments:

  1. Hoping and praying everything works out the way you hope!!! I can't wait for your first baby post! =)

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  2. Praying for a safe and smooth delivery -- I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for your birth plan to go swimmingly friend!

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  3. Hoping and praying your delivery goes as you hope that it will, but please don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go that way. Once you have that happy and healthy baby in your arms, the way she came into the world will not matter one bit. You have to do whats best for the baby and if that means a c-section then that's what it means and it won't make a difference in the end. I had to have Jackson by c-section because he was sunny side up and I wasn't progressing after 20 hours of labor. I was so scared and dissapointed that things didn't go as I had hoped, but once he was here, none of that mattered. My doctor and I both just decided that I should go ahead and have Avery by c-section as well. Since it was all I knew and my first c-section went so well, I didn't mind having another one. It was all planned and I had Avery at 39 weeks on the dot. My second c-section went even better than my first. I was out taking the kids for a short walk a week later. I'm sure all will be fine no matter how she comes into the world and I can't wait to see pictures of your beautiful baby girl.

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  4. Wow, Marcus was a big baby! I hope everything goes well with your delivery, even if it is a c-section. It's exciting to know the day you'll actually be meeting her!

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  5. try to focus on meeting her now rather than how you'll meet her, I know all the feels mama, LC didn't cooperate (nor my body) but either way is ok and takes a strong woman. I'm thinking of you!

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  6. I hope for you the best! Keep thinking positive and I'm sure you'll get your wish. I can't wait to meet her!

    www.artadorned.com

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  7. Praying for a safe delivery no matter when it is! :)

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  8. Aw, girlie, it's ok! wish I could give you a big ol hug and tell you what I'd like to say to those "40 is best" meanies.

    I can't help w/ your feelings on the C-section. I can totally understand them - even tho I've had all vaginal deliveries I had a mini freak out when I found out that if my dr had known Tate would be 10.7 we'd have had a c instead of vaginal. The thought of that makes me sick and sad. And scared that I'll be going under the knife w/ Baby girl. So I can sympathize but have no words of wisdom of that you didn't already say yourself. When we got married someone told me that no matter what happens that day, at the end of the day we'd still be married. So, no matter how you have that sweet little girl, at the end of the day you are still holding that sweet baby - the outcome is the same regardless of the how. No, that doesn't help. Forget I said that, ha ha! :)

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  9. It's so wonderful of you to post about this. It's not about what others think. I'm praying for you that you come to peace with however your little M2 comes into this world. :)

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  10. Both of my girls came before 40 weeks, so I guess theyre abnormal?! Lol. I actually felt guilty about having my membranes stripped with Brielana but having had a miscarriage 2 months before getting pregnant with her, it was like a full year of being pregnant and I was DONE. And really just needed to hold my baby already! So I totally get where youre coming from and support you :) M2 please come tomorrow!!!

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  11. Whatever brings her safely into this world is the best way! I can't wait to hear that she has arrived!

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  12. I'm all for however baby gets here in the safest way! I also think it is kind of hard when you really want plan A but plan B is what you end up with. I'll keep my fingers crossed she decides to come tonight or tomorrow, but either way the end result is going to be pretty amazing. Personally there are several things I wish I could do-over with Aria's birth, so I know some get exactly what they wanted with birth but you aren't alone in wishing whatever it was during the birth or about the birth was different.

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  13. Man TOTALLY missed this post! Screw what other people say and think! You do YOU momma! Can't wait to see that sweet little face!!!!

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  14. I'm all for doing what is best for you and for the baby. I'm not sure I really want to get into it on the internet (but I'd be happy to share my thoughts and feelings with you separately!) but I have lots of feelings on lots of things and they all involve what is best for the mom and the baby... and not what others think. I know it's SUPER hard not to think about what others think, especially if they voice their opinions loudly, but what matters most is that you and M2 are happy, healthy, and safe SO excited for you and your family and will be thinking about you all day tomorrow!!! xoxox

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